Jalapeno & Cheese Tuna Cakes with Dill Yogurt Sauce


You don’t like Tuna?

Please leave.

I never had a “Tuna Melt” until my best friend Jared made me eat one night while I was high out of my mind. Tuna melts, unlike most, “stoned” food is quite delicious even after you are no longer stoned BUT this is 2018 and we are on a mission to not speak to bread……as much. In an effort to give up the carbs but not the flavor I have made tuna cakes. These are amazing, crispy, spicy, and filled with cheese!


*Makes 3 Tuna Cakes

1 Can of White Albacore Humanely Raised Tuna
1/4 Jalapeno – Diced
2 Green Onions – Diced
1/4 Yellow Onion – Diced
1/2 Cup Sharp Cheddar Cheese
1 Egg
Salt, Pepper, Garlic Powder, Red Pepper Chili Flakes
1/2 Greek Yogurt
1/2 Lemon – Juiced
2 Tablespoons Dill Weed(Fresh or dried)
Jalapeno/Tomato Garnish

How To

Drain your tuna VERY well. In a bowl with the diced jalapeno, onion, green onion, dry spices, egg, cheese, add your tuna and mix well. Once all combined form into 3 patties.

I used a non-stick pan as the cheese will melt and forms that nice crust we want. Cook these on medium heat for about 4-5 minutes per side.

Sauce: Add the yogurt, lemon juice, dill, salt and pepper to a bowl and mix well. I put the sauce on the bottom of the plate so that every bite of tuna cake had some cooling sauce. These cakes are hot, cheesy, and the fresh veggies we added provide a much needed crunch. I have had these for lunch almost all week!

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Siracha Maple BLT Lettuce Wraps

Are you not allowed to eat bread? Did someone terrify you as a child of bread? Are you on a keto diet? Did you have a funeral for bread and all its’ offspring in your backyard like me? Then this BLT is for you!

The key here is ….. the bacon….. hello. Can bacon possibly get any better? Let me show you how. My husband eats this delicious snack/meal/appetizer lady and gentlemen…..my husband. You don’t even miss bread, and my idea of heaven is just me laying on crusty hot sourdough slathered in far too much butter!

Let’s get busy!

*Makes 4 BLTs

4 Strips of Thick Cut Bacon
4 Hearts of Romaine Leaves
2 Tablespoons Maple Syrup
2 Tablespoons Siracha
2 Tablespoons Mayo
1 Tomato (sliced)
Avocado (optional)

How To

Fry up that bacon! Pan fry your bacon until it is 90% cooked, and then brush your strips of bacon with the siracha and maple syrup. Broil your bacon on high for 2 minutes max. Now, ladies and gentlemen you have candied bacon.

I smeared some mayo on the lettuce itself, sprinkled with red chili flakes, layed out on piece of bacon, seasoned tomato (S&P), and some avocado was on the bottom. Kyle added some jalapeno to his “sandwich”.

Do these substitute for a real good old sandwich? No. I am not going to lie. But, they are lite, refreshing, and you can continue your day afterwards rather than sleeping on the couch. Give these bad boys a try!



I like my chocolate how I like my men (Banana Peanut Butter Bites)


Seriously. How have I just discovered real dark chocolate? More specifically, chocolate from Madagascar.  Lord knows that if there ever was a day for me to like chocolate it would have to be a bar boujie as all Hell. Girl, World Market makes me weak.

To continue our 2018 healthy eating venture we needed dessert! Well, not really because neither myself or my husband are big sweet eaters, but I have found the healthier I eat during the day the easier it gets to be a very bad girl at night. Cinnamon rolls, cheese pastries, and bags and bags of popcorn. I am not claiming these are healthy either, shit I didn’t even do a calorie check on them., and neither should you. They are banana, some peanut butter, and dark sexy chocolate. Live a little.

Oh, and some butter.

Just a little!

1 Bar of Reeeeaally good chocolate (I used Madecasse brand)
5 Bananas sliced however you prefer
Peanut Butter
1 TBSP Kerrygold Butter (this helps so that expensive ass chocolate doesn’t seize up on you)

How To

Slice your bananas, lay on some parchment paper. Dollop with peanut butter on top. See below photo. Then freeze for 3-4 hours.


Cut that chocolate up. The more even you slice, cute, cube, or grate the more evenly the chocolate will met. Simmer some water on the stove and create a double boiler. DO NOT GET WATER ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR CHOCOLATE. Water causes seizing and we do not want that. Once your chocolate is melted dip the bananas in however you see fit. I just dipped the tops as we didn’t want ours completely drowned in chocolate. I know some of you will feel differently.




You see that shine? Thank you melting chocolate correctly and grass-fed butter. Guuuuuurl. I guarantee these will help keep the late night cinnamon rolls away.


Smoothie of the Month: So Help me, Oprah (Vitamin C Pack)

Fun Fact: I spent the week following Christmas with my good old friend, Pneumonia. I won’t point fingers as to to spread the world’s worst sickness to everyone in our family, but…..no Krystal, I won’t. ANYWAYS. The ONE good thing about being sick in the weird limbo week that is the week after Christmas and before the New Year is that my desire to “kick off” the new year being healthy was as strong as they come. Fun Fact #2 if you have a cough pineapple is a natural cough suppressant!

I am not a big fan of breakfast during the week. I don’t usually get hungry until well after 9am, and my desire is really only to have eggs benedict with a pineapple orange mimosa, but given 99% of the time during the week I am at work such desire is never met.  Smoothies nowhere near a mimosa brunch compromise, and I repeat, nowhere near. Yet, smoothies can be healthy and curb such 9am brunch desires. This smoothie of the month is dedicated to Oprah, because I cannot tell you how many times after ridding myself of antibiotics I said out loud “So help me, Oprah if I get sick again I will kill someone”. True Story. Do not mess with after antibiotics me, she is a very angry girl.

I prep smoothies in Ziploc baggies so that in the morning all I have to do is add the almond milk and greek yogurt. Easy! I have a smoothie before leaving my house in the morning, and then later on at work I have a protein shake. This breakfast plan works for me. Give smoothie prep a shot!

Smoothie bags for days!!


And Kyle said we couldn’t fit anythiiiiiing else in the freezer. Girl, please, take a seat.


*Makes 15 individual smoothies
5 Bananas (Cut in Thirds)
2 Cups of Fresh/Frozen Raspberries
3 Cups of Fresh/Frozen Mango
3 Cups of Fresh/Frozen Pineapple
8 Cups of Organic Baby Spinach
5 Lemons
Almond Milk
Greek Yogurt


Really simple – Each baggie or smoothie gets 1/3 banana, a sprinkling of mango, raspberries, and pineapple. 1/2 cup baby spinach, squeeze of lemon, as much milk as you’d like and just a spoonful of greek yogurt.



Thank Oprah you are not sick.


2017 – The Year of Monsters

I think I will tell you the story of my butterfly.

I have a butterfly tattooed on my right arm immediately above my elbow. Under the butterfly is the code “M33.02” – it’s the ICD10 code for Juvenile Dermatomyositis. For 18 years I hated those two words, and still to this day I tremble at any words used to describe it: “sick” “disease” or “illness” because those were the adjectives used to describe my childhood. I didn’t get the fun, bright, and “normal” adjectives such as: adventurous, joyful and whimsical. No, I was none of those things because Dermatomyositis overshadowed anything good or bad in my life. I was never a little girl that had an autoimmune disease, but rather I was always the disease that became the little girl. Everything I was or was ever going to be was erased for me at the age of nine, and I have spent the last 18 years trying to figure out just who I am. Who am I if you take away the fact that I have a diagnosis only 1 in every 5 million children are blessed with? If I magically was cured who exactly would I be? How do I introduce myself? How would my life have turned out without the disabilities that I have and the challenges I have faced? What other identity do I really have other than “the sick girl”?

No, I didn’t do my math wrong, though it would not have surprised me if I had. Nearly 27-year-old me minus nine-year-old me = 18 years. My math is correct because this past year I have found my center. I have achieved a comfort I feel everyone strives to find. 18 years, that’s the time frame it takes to build an “adult”, a whole other person, and a whole other life. I spent 18 years of my life sick, embarrassed, ashamed, but more than anything I have felt anger. I have felt anger that I have never been able to capture into words. Anger so hot you can feel it in your bones, when your temples throb, your hands get so hot you think they may burn, and that tearing feeling straight down your clavicle. I have been so angry at times I truly thought my chest may crack in half, and all that would be left of me would be my hands clenched together and a torn open chest. Anger has lived inside this broken body for as long as I can remember. I don’t remember a time earlier than March of this year that I didn’t feel angry at the world, my body, and my life. Anger was a cloak I wore tight around my life to protect me from the sadness.

I live with a condition that never leaves. Myositis is my shadow, she is the pulse in my wrist, and the blood in these veins. If I live then she must choose to live along side me. I found my center this year by accepting my life with a chronic disease. You would think it wouldn’t take so long to find peace. You would think someone could never grieve for a life they never got to live. And, I am sure you would think it’s nothing but foolish to be angry over something someone can’t control, like their body. Yet, I was. I have never ever wanted to walk hand in hand with the monster that calls my body her home, but what I have found is that monsters can be beautiful, too. 2017 was a shift of perspective for me, a change in direction, a clear outlook, and a whole lot of desperately needed self-love.

I am writing a book. Did you know that? I began writing everything in life and about my life, again in March. The first chapter I wrote over during my new mission to complete one successful draft of a book by the end of 2017 was the chapter about removing my portacath. I had my portacath for over 10 years. It was a device I needed because, I was a “sick girl”. I would go every month to have it “flushed” with saline with all the other sick people. The port resided in my chest just under my left collarbone. Implanted in me like a collar that read “diseased girl”. I forgot the weight of it until the day it was finally dug out of my chest. A simple procedure turned life threatening, and if you didn’t get to hear the story maybe one day you will, but I’ll provide you with excerpt from the chapter that started this year for me in a positive light.

“Finally, I was instructed, again, to breathe in and hold, and I did. I then pushed out the air trapped in my lungs like it was all I had left to give in the world and it happened; the sound of plastic tubing running across paper. I cried, voluntarily this time. I was free. Right then and there I decided to get rid of anything in my life that wasn’t useful, joyful or beautiful.”

My life changed forever that day. The scariest day of my life began the first day of my new one. I wish I could start calling that day my birthday. March 10th, the day that device was torn out and the catheter later fished out of my heart was the day I was reborn. I cried all the way home because I was extremely high off drugs, in a tremendous amount of pain, but I was free. The weight of something like that and the symbolism it had greatly affected my life, and I never noticed how influenced I was by a silly thing until it no longer resided within me. Lying on that operating table, tears running down my face, and two nurses holding gauze to my neck so I didn’t bleed out; that was my jumping off point. I was brand new. I got to keep all my scars, all the hurdles, the experiences, and the pain, but I got a new chance to love myself.

I have selfishly loved myself this year. I have enclosed myself in rooms that were quiet so that I could ignore my husband and dogs, because I needed to write. I have maintained a blog about the things I love to cook and eat. I take time every night to visualize the things I want in life and plan out my next steps. I buy things that I want because I work extremely hard. I am selfishly in love with myself. I am proud of myself and my accomplishments, and you know what? It’s okay. All of those things are okay. I have found this beautiful balance between speaking abut my disease, living with her, embracing my struggles, but still I am solely just me. I am me before I am anything else. I am Krystal, and I choose to love and live in unison with my autoimmune disease, and not the other way around. I have quite literally been reborn, and I am so excited for 2018.

I am now the butterfly. My scars are all still here but I am telling you my skin feels brand new. My broken joints still don’t work but my body has been given the gift of life. This balance, this center, this energy, and this girl have been a long time coming. I am actively choosing a life I felt was buried a long time ago. I choose to walk with the monster that calls my amazing and resilient body her home, because if you let your monsters into the light they no longer have the power. Love your monsters intensely. Be the butterfly.


Black Bean Soup

Who’s ready for a detox after Thanksgiving? Not me, but I heard some people may be. Black bean soup is an absolute staple in our home now that Kyle has decided he is in love with it. I never was much of a black bean fan until Mikaela began eating them all the time and now I try to invent fun things to do with them because of her. This soup has very little fat in it, and if you vetoed the butter it would be completely vegan. I use canned beans for this recipe, but you could certainly make beans all day. I am just lazy.

4 Cans of black beans
3 Cups Vegetable Stock
2 Garlic Cloves Minced
1 Red Bell Pepper Diced
1 Green Bell Pepper Diced
2 Tablespoons Kerrygold Butter
1 Yellow Onion Diced
1/2 Jalapeno Diced
1 Chipotle Pepper in Adobo sauce
Chile Powder
Cilantro (garnish)
Pico (garnish)
Shredded Cheese(garnish)

How To
The first thing I start with is blending 3/4 cans of black beans in my food processor. I don’t like to keep the beans whole because that doesn’t feel like a creamy hearty soup to me, but rather just a bowl of beans that I should be eating with a pulled pork burrito…..I’m seriously hungry as I write this. I blend the beans with some vegetable stock until they are smooth – looking for a hummus texture. I then dump the mixture into my crock pot on medium so they can get started. You can add in the one can of whole beans or blend them too – totally up to you!

I saute all the vegetables with the butter and the spices until they are translucent, and then guess what? I blend them too. I like smooth soups, okay?! After you blend the vegetables you will add the remaining stock as well as the veggies to the crock pot with the blended beans, and you’re done for the next few hours. Easy, right?

I let the soup cook for about 3 hours. I make a cilantro sour cream to go on top of this soup. The recipe is: 1 bunch of cilantro, jalapeno, garlic clove, 2 cups sour cream, S&P, and blend in the food processor until smooth…..I really liked my food processor in this recipe).  I also topped with some fresh made pico, shredded cheese, and I thought about doing crispy tortilla strips. Well, this is it guys. We eat it at least once a month in the cold months. Healthy, light, and packed with flavor!



Thanksgiving Day Macaroni & Cheese

I make macaroni and cheese……like……a lot. An unholy amount of mac’ n cheese has been put into this body. I didn’t plan to make mac’ n cheese for Thanksgiving this year, but when the night came to make my scalloped potatoes I just couldn’t resist making one more thing. Over achiever much? The sauce for my scalloped potatoes was a base for mac’ n cheese so how could I really say no? This is what I refer to as “last minute mac” because I used penne in replacement for elbow noodles, because, hello, I didn’t know I was making this so of course I didn’t have the right pasta on hand. I threw in some spicy Jimmy Dean sausage because Kyle is constantly bitching at me that the freezer is too full….so I used something from the freezer, probably the smallest item in the freezer, but still counts!

1 box of penne pasta (or elbow if you’re smarter than me)
3 Cloves of Garlic (minced)
3 Cups of Whole Fat Milk
3 Cups of a three cheese blend or the cheese of your choosing
1 Stalk of green onion diced
1 package of Jimmy Dean Spicy Sausage
1 Cup of Panko
4 Tablespoons of Kerrygold Butter
4 Tablespoons of Flour

How To
Don’t be an idiot like me and wait until you are done with the sauce to boil the pasta – you should do that first. Remember the pasta trick with the water – your pasta water should look and taste like ocean water – more flavor!

I fried up my sausage next, and once it was completely cooked through I added the garlic and onions. Next, I added the butter (all in the same pan, sausage fat and all, this is Thanksgiving!), let the butter melt down over medium heat, and then add in the flour. Cook this mixture for about 3-4 minutes, and then stir in the milk and begin to whisk. Whisk until your arm falls off OR you no longer have lumps of flour/butter. Cheese, cheese, and more cheese, but only add one cup at a time and wait until it’s melted down into the sauce to add the next. At this point I also take a small ladle of the pasta water and place it into the cheese sauce. The starches released from the pasta while it bowls will help the sauce really adhere to the noodles.

Butter a casserole dish and mix your sauce and noodles all together. I bake this at 400 covered for 30 minutes, and then take it out, place panko all over the top, drizzle the panko with olive oil, and then broil for 5 minutes. Delicious! Last minute mac!